weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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