I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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