They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
