So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
