Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
