I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
