K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize