I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize