You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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