I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
