if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
