every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
