he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
