Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
