white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize