I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
