Where is the hickey?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
