I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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