Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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