I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize