i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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