too bad you live with your parents still
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
