woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
