the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
