Got a toothbrush?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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