very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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