when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
