Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize