I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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