I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I want to fling myself into the sun
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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