my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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