How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
