he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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