Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
