Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
