So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
and she was petting her beer can
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
