Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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