You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
