Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
