I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
