Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
