So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Panties = found
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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