then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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