I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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