I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
