How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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