I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
