Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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