A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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