Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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