I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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