I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
