can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Randomize
