so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
