Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
