Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
