Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
