You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
