She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
