I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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