A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
