I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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